Last fall, as I was starting the second year of seminary--and the first year of my two-year internship--my classmates and I talked and read and wrote a lot about the topics of "ministerial formation" and "ministerial authority." Most of it, frankly, seemed way too speculative and theoretical to be of much interest to me. What I believed then--as I believe now--is that one starts to gain ministerial authority and form as a result of doing actual ministry.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that my identifying as a minister came about as a result of the work that I have been doing in my internship congregation, which has been a wonderful place to learn and to serve. To be sure, I was quite comfortable with many aspects of the role of minister before I set foot in this congregation. But the work itself has led beyond comfort to a basic change in my self-identity.
I do remember the first time this change really came home to me. I was offering a pastoral prayer during a worship service when I looked out and realized that I loved these people. It wasn't that I felt I'd won some kind of wrestling match and, as a result, had been awarded ministerial authority or ministerial identity. It was all about the fact that I had come to love these people.
I've known for some time that I have many of the skills to do the work of a minister, but it's only very recently that I've come to realize that I have the ability to feel like a minister, too. Although it happened in a natural and understated this way, this change is an important one for me.
And of course it's about love. This journey has been about love from day one. Ministry is my answer (or at least part of my answer) to Mary Oliver's question of "how to love this world."
There is so much for which I am grateful. There are blessings within blessings, and more yet to be discovered.
